Wednesday, 12 June 2013

No time to make friends

Do you know what it feels like when you move so much you have no time to settle down and make new friends. I must be an expert by now. And ones again I'm moving and nobody gives a fuck - because i don't know anyone here. That's what it feels like. Which is good, because then someone can do all the packing while Carl is out with all his friends.

So I'm guessing it's official, we're moving to Sweden - to a city I've never lived before, as you do.

Let me tell you what happened when Carl told his friends he's going to Sweden, they started planning about 15 boys nights out. Let me tell you what happened when i told my friends, oh yeah i don't know anyone here. Just like i didn't know anyone in Belgium.

It's not like i don't really have any friends here, but they're all Carl's friends, like the boys night out, i'm a girl, so obviously I'm not invited, I know his brothers girlfriends - that's it. They're great but it's not the same as having a group of friends that you always hang out with. That's something i really miss. I haven't had a group of friends like that since i was about 17 i think. That's 4,5 years ago.

But I have only myself to blame.

I'd like to settle down somewhere and meet people and have a normal life again. When my dad and I moved in to a flat in Göteborg I promised myself to never move again, that he would have to move out when i turned 18 because I was so sick of moving. i have lived in 4 different places since then.

In my life, from the age of 3, i have lived in 17 different places, and I am 21 years old. I have been to 9 different schools all over Sweden. 9 Schools, do you know how many years i have spent in school in my life, 15. There is no way this is good for anyone.

How am I meant to build a life when i have always been moved around since i was like 2 weeks old. Do you know what i miss, I miss living outside Göteborg, where all my friends lived less than a 5 minute walk away, and you could just send a text or knock on the door to see if they wanted to chill for a bit. Now I have to plan to see my friends 2 months in advance and it will cost me £150.

If i died tonight, do you know how many would go through the effort to come to my funeral, probably just my closest family. Because the friends and family i have/had in England and Belgium "couldnt afford" to go, or they're in work or something.. And my friends in Sweden are just not that close anymore. Do you know what that feels like? knowing that people would care, but no one would make the effort? It's shit.

Maybe me and Carl should just move to Göteborg? or at least outside, where my friends are. Maybe i'd feel at home there? It's also close to the airport so we could come back over here to visit the family and friends. I know Carl loves Göteborg as well, so he probably wouldn't mind at all.

Maybe i could build up the life i had there again and just feel at home somewhere and be happy surrounded by friends again. Wishful thinking.

You people who complain about being stuck in the same place your whole life, enjoy it!

I have never felt this lonely in my life.

No comments :

Post a Comment

Let's be friends!