On the plane!

On the plane right now, just woke up, i guess this is what happens when you spend 3 hours in the VIP lounge with free drinks. You fall asleep! hahah. A bit over half way now and time to put some tunes on and relax! took a nice picture for you before as well. WOHO.

VIP lounge

Sitting in the VIP lounge at the John Lennon airport in Liverpool enjoying a drink with my love. Our flight is in about 3 hours. So just getting a little tipsy now so we can relax on the plane. :) This is the first time I'm int his VIP lounge and it's really nice, they have food and drinks and everything. And the people working here are really nice as well. Awesome start to our holiday.

Holiday day,

No toes are hurting but here we go!

Today is holiday day and I woke up as 20 to 6. Just finished reading my book and am about to get out of bed and get ready, i have a lot to do before we leave the house. Can't believe the day is finally here! haha. Ah  well, here it is and we are going to Lanzarote! We get there about 7-8 tonight so might not be able to blog that much during the day, but i'll give it a go! Have an awesome day, i know i will!

Good morning!

So it's finally Friday, i like Fridays, who doesn't?

Just got to work and am now eating my breakfast (i always eat after swimming).I have a day PACKED with things to do, in work and at home, I'm not done packing my bag for tomorrow either, and I'm cooking a special dinner for my boyfriend later. Lets hope he likes it!!

Anyway, so i just want this day to be over basically, because tomorrow we are going to Lanzarote!!

And because it is Friday, i think we should all listen to this beautiful song. HA.

Something every girl needs!

No time to make friends

Do you know what it feels like when you move so much you have no time to settle down and make new friends. I must be an expert by now. And ones again I'm moving and nobody gives a fuck - because i don't know anyone here. That's what it feels like. Which is good, because then someone can do all the packing while Carl is out with all his friends.

So I'm guessing it's official, we're moving to Sweden - to a city I've never lived before, as you do.

Let me tell you what happened when Carl told his friends he's going to Sweden, they started planning about 15 boys nights out. Let me tell you what happened when i told my friends, oh yeah i don't know anyone here. Just like i didn't know anyone in Belgium.

It's not like i don't really have any friends here, but they're all Carl's friends, like the boys night out, i'm a girl, so obviously I'm not invited, I know his brothers girlfriends - that's it. They're great but it's not the same as having a group of friends that you always hang out with. That's something i really miss. I haven't had a group of friends like that since i was about 17 i think. That's 4,5 years ago.

But I have only myself to blame.

I'd like to settle down somewhere and meet people and have a normal life again. When my dad and I moved in to a flat in Göteborg I promised myself to never move again, that he would have to move out when i turned 18 because I was so sick of moving. i have lived in 4 different places since then.

In my life, from the age of 3, i have lived in 17 different places, and I am 21 years old. I have been to 9 different schools all over Sweden. 9 Schools, do you know how many years i have spent in school in my life, 15. There is no way this is good for anyone.

How am I meant to build a life when i have always been moved around since i was like 2 weeks old. Do you know what i miss, I miss living outside Göteborg, where all my friends lived less than a 5 minute walk away, and you could just send a text or knock on the door to see if they wanted to chill for a bit. Now I have to plan to see my friends 2 months in advance and it will cost me £150.

If i died tonight, do you know how many would go through the effort to come to my funeral, probably just my closest family. Because the friends and family i have/had in England and Belgium "couldnt afford" to go, or they're in work or something.. And my friends in Sweden are just not that close anymore. Do you know what that feels like? knowing that people would care, but no one would make the effort? It's shit.

Maybe me and Carl should just move to Göteborg? or at least outside, where my friends are. Maybe i'd feel at home there? It's also close to the airport so we could come back over here to visit the family and friends. I know Carl loves Göteborg as well, so he probably wouldn't mind at all.

Maybe i could build up the life i had there again and just feel at home somewhere and be happy surrounded by friends again. Wishful thinking.

You people who complain about being stuck in the same place your whole life, enjoy it!

I have never felt this lonely in my life.

My blog - my rules

You would think because it's my blog i can post whatever i want? Well i sort of can, but i also get about 52 comments from people around me telling me what i should and shouldn't post, how i should write it instead and what I'm doing wrong.

Here is the thing, this is my blog. My posts are never interesting or about an important subject, my blog doesn't have thousands of readers so i cant change the world, i don't have hundreds of little girls looking up to me so i don't have to be a role model. This blog is mine.

This blog is where i am going to write down my thoughts and post them online for absolutely no reason for everyone to read. This is my blog. Never thought i would actually have to write a post like this. Sad world we live in where you cant even decide what to post in your own diary.

My blog is full of mixed messages, posts with no point in, posts which aren't well written, spelling mistakes and shit grammar. I'm not English, i don't have to have perfect English. This blog is where i write down my thoughts - which is why the posts might be messy and have mixed messages. Because when you think and write, things become clearer and you start thinking in a different way. Would think some of you should know that by now.

My thoughts, my writing, my blog.

Hejdå.

40%

Soon 40% of this week in work is over, no my job isn't that horrible i have to count the percent i have left, I am just super excited about going to Lanzarote on Saturday. As i have said about 500 times already I've never been, I've only been on one summer holiday in my life. Thailand - which was awesome!

And i have never been on a holiday with a boyfriend either, so I am really looking forward to it. One week with just me and my Carl. :) Only 4 days to go today.

11 years it took me.

I have posted a blog-post about this before so I will try to not write the same thing all over again. But this is something that means a lot to me and something i an very proud and also thankful for. Proud because I finally got here, thankful because i have had amazing friends and of course my boyfriend who has been here for me through all my mental break downs.

So, enough with the thank you speech. 

This weekend Carl took a picture of me, the picture at the bottom of this post. And i am wearing a skirt and a top which is quite tight. I wasn't the happiest about being in a photo like that, i don't like pictures of me unless its a close-up of my face (as you might have noticed by now). This is because i am very insecure when it comes to my body. And i never like full body pictures of myself - ever. 

But this one i actually don't mind, yes my leg looks bigger than it is because my leg is up like that, and i could probably tell you 10 things i don't like if i really wanted to. But I am just going to choose to stop here. And just let the world know that i actually don't hate these pictures of me. 

It took a long time to finally be able to say that, about 11 years.

11 years of being overweight, underweight, normal weight, all kinds of weights. 

Looking at myself now i do want to lose a couple of kg's, but it's not the end of the world if it takes a little time. I have lost about 8 kg's since we started swimming. But I am most proud of myself because i have done it the healthy way. I am now normal weight - even after eating a pizza. haha. 

of course i will still see pictures of myself and hate them, we all do that. But it feels like i am on the right track and it feels so good! You have no idea. 

Anyway i think this is really happening because of three people.

Sandra - For being the best friend on the planet. 

Carl - For being the perfect boyfriend, and for telling me i'm beautiful every day and make me feel like a princess. Every girl deserves a boyfriend as good as mine. But leave mine alone. haha. 

Myself - Because I've done this. 

What a great start on the week.

Do you want to know what just happened to me? I went swimming, and as always i prepare my breakfast at home so i can eat it in the office after swimming - so far all good. Came to the office, started eating my water melon, and then i though 'aah milk on these strawberries, mh mh mh' put milk on them and the milk looked a bit weird.. i dont know what old milk smells like, but i gave it a go, and guessed that if the mils smells of sour creme.. its old.

So i've only had half of my breakfast now as i had to throw out the strawberries.. which were the last ones i had - to make it all even better. What a great way to start the week!

And on top of this, my skin is peeling after burning my shoulders a week ago. Nice one.