If i could look however i wanted

Then i'd want to look like this:

My boyfriends tshirt and a hat.

So, my body hates me. Ok, it's all my own fault. I have a really red upper body and cant really be in the sun, and don't even get me started on my face. So i went and bought a hat this morning, and i now have to wear it at all times. It's a pretty hat but it's also very windy around here which makes wearing a hat a bit of a challenge. haha.

Anyway so i just got back from the beach, had a shower and now I'm writing this. I am not sure what we are going to do tonight, this place is not the wildest place on the planet.. (i would say average age on this side of Lanzarote is 45). We're going out for dinner to the same place as last night though. Awesome place, we have been twice and tried different things every time, and they have all been delicious.

Anyway, this is what we look like today, and this is also how you chill on the beach - like a boss!

Half way through.

Half way through our holiday now. :(

I still look like a lobster but today we're going to the beach anyway! Will need to wear one of Carl's tshirts all day though.. a bit lame.. but better than not being able to move at all. haha. Time to get ready for the beach, wiho. here are some pictures from our holiday so far..

Lanzarote

Hello, got our internet last night and it's pretty shit so havent really been able to blog. but here it is, a blog post from Lanzarote. It's amazing here, whenre we are it's mostly couples and families which is really nice because i dont like drunk people. haha.

Today we have chilled by the pool all day and then just took a little nap. I look like a lobster.. hahah. not even joking, i thought my back was a bit red from yesterday so i didnt want to burn it, so i decided to only tan the front today.. So now my face, belly and legs are sooooo red!! Not even cool. haha. Hopefully it will turn brown soon though! :)

Tonight we're eating paella, we were meant to last night but i started feeling really bad after being out in the sun all day, didnt drink enough i think.. But I'm feeling much better today! Anyway, so fat this has been an awesome holiday! :) 10/10

On the plane!

On the plane right now, just woke up, i guess this is what happens when you spend 3 hours in the VIP lounge with free drinks. You fall asleep! hahah. A bit over half way now and time to put some tunes on and relax! took a nice picture for you before as well. WOHO.

VIP lounge

Sitting in the VIP lounge at the John Lennon airport in Liverpool enjoying a drink with my love. Our flight is in about 3 hours. So just getting a little tipsy now so we can relax on the plane. :) This is the first time I'm int his VIP lounge and it's really nice, they have food and drinks and everything. And the people working here are really nice as well. Awesome start to our holiday.

Holiday day,

No toes are hurting but here we go!

Today is holiday day and I woke up as 20 to 6. Just finished reading my book and am about to get out of bed and get ready, i have a lot to do before we leave the house. Can't believe the day is finally here! haha. Ah  well, here it is and we are going to Lanzarote! We get there about 7-8 tonight so might not be able to blog that much during the day, but i'll give it a go! Have an awesome day, i know i will!

Good morning!

So it's finally Friday, i like Fridays, who doesn't?

Just got to work and am now eating my breakfast (i always eat after swimming).I have a day PACKED with things to do, in work and at home, I'm not done packing my bag for tomorrow either, and I'm cooking a special dinner for my boyfriend later. Lets hope he likes it!!

Anyway, so i just want this day to be over basically, because tomorrow we are going to Lanzarote!!

And because it is Friday, i think we should all listen to this beautiful song. HA.

Something every girl needs!

No time to make friends

Do you know what it feels like when you move so much you have no time to settle down and make new friends. I must be an expert by now. And ones again I'm moving and nobody gives a fuck - because i don't know anyone here. That's what it feels like. Which is good, because then someone can do all the packing while Carl is out with all his friends.

So I'm guessing it's official, we're moving to Sweden - to a city I've never lived before, as you do.

Let me tell you what happened when Carl told his friends he's going to Sweden, they started planning about 15 boys nights out. Let me tell you what happened when i told my friends, oh yeah i don't know anyone here. Just like i didn't know anyone in Belgium.

It's not like i don't really have any friends here, but they're all Carl's friends, like the boys night out, i'm a girl, so obviously I'm not invited, I know his brothers girlfriends - that's it. They're great but it's not the same as having a group of friends that you always hang out with. That's something i really miss. I haven't had a group of friends like that since i was about 17 i think. That's 4,5 years ago.

But I have only myself to blame.

I'd like to settle down somewhere and meet people and have a normal life again. When my dad and I moved in to a flat in Göteborg I promised myself to never move again, that he would have to move out when i turned 18 because I was so sick of moving. i have lived in 4 different places since then.

In my life, from the age of 3, i have lived in 17 different places, and I am 21 years old. I have been to 9 different schools all over Sweden. 9 Schools, do you know how many years i have spent in school in my life, 15. There is no way this is good for anyone.

How am I meant to build a life when i have always been moved around since i was like 2 weeks old. Do you know what i miss, I miss living outside Göteborg, where all my friends lived less than a 5 minute walk away, and you could just send a text or knock on the door to see if they wanted to chill for a bit. Now I have to plan to see my friends 2 months in advance and it will cost me £150.

If i died tonight, do you know how many would go through the effort to come to my funeral, probably just my closest family. Because the friends and family i have/had in England and Belgium "couldnt afford" to go, or they're in work or something.. And my friends in Sweden are just not that close anymore. Do you know what that feels like? knowing that people would care, but no one would make the effort? It's shit.

Maybe me and Carl should just move to Göteborg? or at least outside, where my friends are. Maybe i'd feel at home there? It's also close to the airport so we could come back over here to visit the family and friends. I know Carl loves Göteborg as well, so he probably wouldn't mind at all.

Maybe i could build up the life i had there again and just feel at home somewhere and be happy surrounded by friends again. Wishful thinking.

You people who complain about being stuck in the same place your whole life, enjoy it!

I have never felt this lonely in my life.

My blog - my rules

You would think because it's my blog i can post whatever i want? Well i sort of can, but i also get about 52 comments from people around me telling me what i should and shouldn't post, how i should write it instead and what I'm doing wrong.

Here is the thing, this is my blog. My posts are never interesting or about an important subject, my blog doesn't have thousands of readers so i cant change the world, i don't have hundreds of little girls looking up to me so i don't have to be a role model. This blog is mine.

This blog is where i am going to write down my thoughts and post them online for absolutely no reason for everyone to read. This is my blog. Never thought i would actually have to write a post like this. Sad world we live in where you cant even decide what to post in your own diary.

My blog is full of mixed messages, posts with no point in, posts which aren't well written, spelling mistakes and shit grammar. I'm not English, i don't have to have perfect English. This blog is where i write down my thoughts - which is why the posts might be messy and have mixed messages. Because when you think and write, things become clearer and you start thinking in a different way. Would think some of you should know that by now.

My thoughts, my writing, my blog.

Hejdå.

40%

Soon 40% of this week in work is over, no my job isn't that horrible i have to count the percent i have left, I am just super excited about going to Lanzarote on Saturday. As i have said about 500 times already I've never been, I've only been on one summer holiday in my life. Thailand - which was awesome!

And i have never been on a holiday with a boyfriend either, so I am really looking forward to it. One week with just me and my Carl. :) Only 4 days to go today.

11 years it took me.

I have posted a blog-post about this before so I will try to not write the same thing all over again. But this is something that means a lot to me and something i an very proud and also thankful for. Proud because I finally got here, thankful because i have had amazing friends and of course my boyfriend who has been here for me through all my mental break downs.

So, enough with the thank you speech. 

This weekend Carl took a picture of me, the picture at the bottom of this post. And i am wearing a skirt and a top which is quite tight. I wasn't the happiest about being in a photo like that, i don't like pictures of me unless its a close-up of my face (as you might have noticed by now). This is because i am very insecure when it comes to my body. And i never like full body pictures of myself - ever. 

But this one i actually don't mind, yes my leg looks bigger than it is because my leg is up like that, and i could probably tell you 10 things i don't like if i really wanted to. But I am just going to choose to stop here. And just let the world know that i actually don't hate these pictures of me. 

It took a long time to finally be able to say that, about 11 years.

11 years of being overweight, underweight, normal weight, all kinds of weights. 

Looking at myself now i do want to lose a couple of kg's, but it's not the end of the world if it takes a little time. I have lost about 8 kg's since we started swimming. But I am most proud of myself because i have done it the healthy way. I am now normal weight - even after eating a pizza. haha. 

of course i will still see pictures of myself and hate them, we all do that. But it feels like i am on the right track and it feels so good! You have no idea. 

Anyway i think this is really happening because of three people.

Sandra - For being the best friend on the planet. 

Carl - For being the perfect boyfriend, and for telling me i'm beautiful every day and make me feel like a princess. Every girl deserves a boyfriend as good as mine. But leave mine alone. haha. 

Myself - Because I've done this. 

What a great start on the week.

Do you want to know what just happened to me? I went swimming, and as always i prepare my breakfast at home so i can eat it in the office after swimming - so far all good. Came to the office, started eating my water melon, and then i though 'aah milk on these strawberries, mh mh mh' put milk on them and the milk looked a bit weird.. i dont know what old milk smells like, but i gave it a go, and guessed that if the mils smells of sour creme.. its old.

So i've only had half of my breakfast now as i had to throw out the strawberries.. which were the last ones i had - to make it all even better. What a great way to start the week!

And on top of this, my skin is peeling after burning my shoulders a week ago. Nice one.

A different kind of full.

The last couple of months i have been trying to eat a bit healthier and we have been going swimming and things like that a few times a week. And i just watched a few episodes of Lost and felt like i wanted a snack. So i went for crisps.. Eat about 2/3ds of the bag.. And now i feel soooo full, but not like the nice kind of full, just ashamed of myself and i feel like my body hates me. Haha.

I cant believe the difference the food you eat can make. If i would have eat a whole pineapple i would be really full and probably want to be sick, but it would still be a nicer kind of full than this. You dont notice the difference until you really try to change your eating habits.

#nevereatingcrispsagain.

Sunday

Had a good but pretty random last couple of days, we ended up at Carl's mums house last night with his brothers and the girlfriends, set the garden shed on fire and drank some cocktails. Don't worry, Carl and his brother put little pieces of the shed and put in this proper fire thing. So today it's all gone! :)

So anyway, went back there today and decided we're going to Parkgate, the weather was lovely, the coke was expensive and we couldn't find a normal place to eat, so we went for the safe option after about an hour - The Hungry Horse, always a winner. Haha.

taking the blame.

Love, and i mean absolutely love getting blamed for other peoples fuck ups at 7 in the morning on a Saturday. This time it wasn't my fault so stop making me look even worse than i already do. Thanks. #pissedoffgirlat7inthemorning #nevercheckyouremailsonasaturday

Did you know..

DId you know that what ever i blog about never happens, for example i blogged about sitting in the garden with a cider now - didn't happen. it happens ALL the time. slightly annoying actually. But anyway, went to Asda bough some snacks and stuff and now we decided to watch a film instead.. But as i just blogged about it we'll see what happens. Haha.

What are your plans for tonight? I don't want to do anything stressful at all this weekend! It's time to relax i think, had a couple of VERY stressful weeks in work so i need a bit of me-time.

Here are two beeaauutiful pictures of me and Carl.

Friday,

So finally friday is here, i'm eating my lunch and looking out the window wishing i was in the park with a few Rekordeligs chilling all day instead of answering the phone in the office. haha. To be honest it's alright in here  i just prefer being outside when it's sunny. Like most people i guess..

My plans for the evening is:

Work till half five.
Going to Asda.
Chill in the garden with a drink.

And then get back to my normal life after an hour or so out in the sun. If the sun is still out then will say. It's meant to be really nice tomorrow and on Sunday as well. :)

Here is an old picture of me Carl. :) about a year old, he looks the same now haha, i hope i look a little skinnier now, as I've lost about 10kg since then.

Good Morning!

Went swimming again this morning, and it was so much easier this time. My shoulders are finally getting back to normal! In the office now getting ready to start my day. :) Did you know it's Sveriges Nationaldag today? It's Swedens day, so everyone in Sweden is off work. Haha. Cant wait to go back to Sweden, just sucks that we miss all of summer and get there for snow time again. The summers in Sweden are truly amazing. :)

I wish i could just sit outside in the sun with a drink and a friend/my boyfriend and relax all day and just enjoy life. Maybe next summer. haha

Thursday

Good evening my dear blog readers, how has your day been? Haha ive had a pretty good day, the boss was in the office so didnt want to sit on blogger all day. Haha :) just got home and had some food and now its chill time. :)

outfit

This is what i was wearing yesterday, sometimes its nice working in an office which isnt strict on what you wear. :) I bought the dress in Thailand about a year ago. 

On my way to the gym!

Need to get rid of some anger, so i though what could possible be the best way? .. went for the 2nd best, going to the gym. Only a quick session though as I am pretty hungry already. We'll see how long we stay, the gym is always packed after work as well, but I'm thinking - because it's sunny, people might be outside instead?

Tuesday!

It's Tuesday and i am already thinking about what to do this weekend, haha. Anyway, just got to work after swimming, which was a pain because of my shoulder, try swimming with just one arm.. :(
Only me and my boyfriend in the office today again, nice and quiet. haha. The brothers are off this week and Robb is working from home i think. Wish i could, would sit outside in the sun all day. haha.

Do you like my new header and blog design btw?

To drink, or nor to drink - diet coke

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and i think i'm going to stop drinking coke. I never used to drink coke unless i was eating McDonald's or pizza before i moved to England, and now i'ts like my main drink at home. Because i think like "Aah diet coke, yummy and 0 kcal.." but i forget how bad it is for my body and my teeth.

I still have one bottle at home i think, i wont open that one, so i'll save it for Friday or something like that, and then just start drinking more water, juices and milk instead. Yes i will drink more calories, but i believe it's healthier than drinking a glass of coke every night. And milk doesn't make your teeth yellow. haha.

This week will be a good week to start as well, as i have two weeks of bossing life now. Didn't go swimming this morning, because Carl cant walk properly after playing football, and my shoulders are absolutely killing still. So we're going tomorrow instead, and then the gym in the evening. :)

June!

Can you believe it June already? Half of this year has already past. Scary how fast it goes, I'll be 22 before we know it! haha. And today i can finally say "We're going to Lanzarote next week!" WOHO. I am soo excited! Just booked the VIP Lounge as well so we can relax and have a few drinks before the flight.

#Nevergoinginthesunagain

So, lovely bbq yesterday, had a lot of fun, sun was shining, food was good.. couldnt wish for anything else, and then this happened... fml..

It's BBQ day.

Preparing for the bbq, people are getting here at like 2, and I'm still i na towel after my shower. nice one. So it might be time to get dressed, prepare some food and put little Jackson outside in the grass so he can enjoy the sun as well. :) What are you all up to today? Anything exciting?

2 weeks of bossing life!

So there is less than two weeks till I go to Lanzarote now, and as you all know I am pretty damn excited! I have never been to Lanzarote or Spain. The only place i have been to on a summer holiday is Thailand. And this will also be the first holiday with a boyfriend (road trips doesn't count).

And as i am going to Bikini Land i don't want to be the only whale on the beach, if you know what i mean. So i have been on a diet for quite some time. And i should have been at the gym and pools right now but my boyfriend isn't home to drive me, and it's quite a walk with two bags..

So i decided to work out at home instead, i mean we have everything i need. :) A bike, a belly trainer and YouTube's training videos. Haha. Go me! Bikini body 2013.

Spot the onion ring

The first person who tells me where the onion ring is will get a surprise! :)

Shopping

So after the walk we went shopping because Carl needed some clothes before we go to Lanzarote (two weeks left, WOHO) and i ended up with some things as well, as always - because i'm a girl. Haha. His mum asked us to print out one of the photos from Andrews wedding so i printed out some for us as well. The fist photos of us we have ever printed out. Haha.

Bought a bikini and a grey top as well, but i dont know where i put them :(

Going for a walk!

This has been one of those days, you know when you dont have anything planned and then you just have an awesome day. So lets take it from the beginning.. This morning after breakfast we went for a walk in the lovely weather. Took some pretty random pictures as well. I'll tell you rest in a bit ;)